London's Fauna #3

Fiscal millipedes (Diplopodus voraxa)
These unusual insects live among the computery chaos of the trading floor of the Stock Exchange, feeding on the testosterone-rich sweat of the traders. While she was prime minister, Margaret Thatcher kept a fiscal millipede in the Cabinet Office as a sort of mascot.

Number of legs: Fluctuates according to the strength of the pound.

Appearance: Like a normal millipede, but pinstriped, with a greedy face.

Habitat: The Stock Exchange, Moss Bross.

Diet: Sweat, champagne.

Social grouping: There is no such thing as fiscal millipede society.

Reproduction: Fiscal millipedes lay their tiny eggs on the underside of a fifty-pound note.

Relationship with man: Because fiscal millipedes thrive on the testosterone of the traders, economists who carefully study their health and population numbers can track the buoyancy of the financial market. For example, numerous, fat millipedes mean a lot of testosterone and the frenzy of a bull market, whereas fewer, skinnier millipedes mean less testosterone and a more cautious bear market. Of course, economists can more easily track the financial market by just reading the papers, but they like to study the fiscal millipedes because when you pick them up their little legs make a pleasant tickling sensation on the fingers.

Useful byproducts: Instructive metaphors about the evils of unchecked capitalism.

Threats: Eurocrats, the BBC.