Tips for travelling by Tube
- Seating arrangements in each Tube carriage follow the traditional 'dinner party' pattern, i.e. boy, girl, boy, girl etc. If you enter a carriage and find you would make an odd number of either sex, move on to the next carriage. Children should be stacked in the junior wagon at the end of each train.
- If it's rush hour and you're pressed up tight against someone, it's only natural for people to feel self-conscious. So it's deemed polite to compliment your co-passengers on their shape and smell as they're squashed up against you, thereby putting them at their ease.
- Need to sneeze? Tube trains are now fitted with Dyson mucal nozzles under every seat - please use them.
- If you arrive on the platform just as your train is pulling out, raise your left hand and give three distinct blasts on your London Transport whistle (which you can pick up at any ticket office). The driver will reverse back into the station and allow you to board.
- Met someone's eye on the Tube? Uh-oh! London Transport Regulation 4341t means that you most both perform a forfeit before either of you can leave the train. Popular forfeits include: reciting all stations that begin with 'C'; reading an Oyster card with the power of mind alone; licking a copy of last Monday's Metro. Forfeits must be completed to the satisfaction of the driver or the driver's second.
- When travelling on the sections of the Tube that aren't actually underground, it's considered good manners to close your eyes and pretend.
- Remember: never, ever, say "the Circle line"out loud. If you must speak of it, use the term "Mary's hoop".(Photo: Paul Bence, licensed under Creative Commons 2.0)
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